Blue's Clues, for the deprived children of the world, is a show on Nick Jr. It features Blue, an adorable puppy who, unlike practically every other character on the show, simply speaks via carefully placed pawprints on items and "Bow! Bow-bow-bow!". Blue is owned by Steve, who, pardon the pun, is rather Clueless. Steve owns a home filled with talking clocks, salt and pepper shakers, and other items. Steve and Blue play Blue's Clues, a game in which Blue provides three clues via pawprints to something she wants to do today. Steve records them with the help of the presumably preschooler audience in his "handy dandy notebook". The show is great for children. It repeatedly tells them they are smart and teaches many concepts from self-esteem to science.
It, um, also happens to be one of my favourite shows.
So what is a 21 year old doing watching a show for children a legal voting age person older? It rocks. Blue Magenta (her school friend) and Periwinkle (her neighbouring cat who unlike Blue can speak) all rock my world. They're cute and sweet. Now, most importantly, Blue and Magenta, as pictured above, are lovers.
Yes. Lovers. BTW if you are under say 10 or perhaps stumbled onto this page by searching up Blue for your youngster, you may want to turn back now. *L* See, Blue and Magenta look alike, are very close friends, and even dance alike. They also like giving each other gifts and licks. It is plain that they are lesbians. Neither Blue nor Magenta show any serious interest in the boy puppy, Green Puppy (I know. These names are astonishingly unique!). Also, given the fact that Steve Burns is udoubtedly queer, why wouldn't he choose a lesbian pet?
Alas, poor Steve is a lost cause. He can't find clues to a simple game without the aid of a preschooler. He spends his day talking to little children and household objects. And yet, as Steve leaves for college this year (actually, Steve wants to pursue other acting jobs and his music career *snicker*), one must wonder how well he will do in first year courses.
Fancy a game of Blue's Clues? Here are a few examples of the perverse nature of myself and my friends......
Steve: Hey kids, what do you suppose Blue wants to do when Magenta comes over? Here are our clues..... A bed...... A pair of handcuffs covered in red fuzz.... And this bottle of 'Motion Lotion' Passionfruit massage oil...... So what could Blue want to do with massage oil, a bed and handcuffs? Oh oh maybe, Blue wants to handcuff herself to the bed and then slip her paw out of the cuff using the oil as a lubricant?
Stop the Insanity! Run!
Kids: *groaning* NO!!!!
Steve: Oh maybe not.... Hmmmmm..... maybe Blue wants to lie Magenta down on the bed. Yeah! And then, maybe she could handcuff her there? But then what could she do with the oil?
Kids: Lick it off her body! Massage her!
Steve: Ohhh yeah! We did it! We just figured out Blue's Clues!!! *pause* Hey where did Blue go? And what's that strange barking noise, and that panting?........
Steve: So today we're trying to figure out what Blue wants to do at her slumber party tonight And our cues are: A sledge hammer...... a shovel.... and me, handsome guy, Steve. So what could Blue want to do with her friends with all these things?
Kids: Kill you with the sledgehammer and bury you with the shovel!!!
Steve: Oh right! Cause Blue could use the sledgehammer, pound my head until it cracks then bury me in the garden and dig a whole with the shovel. We just figured out Blue's --
Stop the Insanity! Run!