StrangeLittlePoems These poems may be triggering for issues of self-injury, domestic violence, rape, abuse and depression; reader discretion and care is advised. To skip this page for now, click below at the bottom of the page. Otherwise, enjoy. |
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THE POEMS. |
THE LYRICS. |
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NEW AGE *accompanies New Age* Slipping into the velvety folds of a mini, garnished with lace A four star dish, says the reflection in the mirror The phone rings, and she startles, her smooth pale hand grazing her naked shoulder, smearing crimson, like the remains of a vampire’s gentle kiss; and she answers and nods and slips into her shoes The road winds with clockwork precision, curves perfectly spaced and proportioned so as not to allow one to doze at the wheel; the bridge, crossing watery wisps that geographers jokingly call a creek and brook And she hums an old Patsy Cline tune as she slips around the bends, like the daring hand of a thirteen year old boy seeking the promised land he drools at in Playboy Her movements smooth, yet tinged with the green of naivete She is participant and observer actor and director, and she is determined to get her lines right (Funny how naturally they come so soon after reading the script in that magazine, the one for alternative lifestyles. What a term to call something so eloquent and raw, she thinks as she steps inside the bar) Her chardonnay rolling about her tongue, she heads for the jukebox; The Chairman of the Board is singing to her soul: "I did it my way" Her lips surround his voice silently, in a gesture of solidarity and unspoken secrets and knowledge And she slips deeper into the crowds, the mushroom clouds of nicotine and Mary Jane, and she finds her subjects, eager volunteers in a game where she will always hunt and never be pursued again The blonde eyes her breasts, and she eyes hers in return as the young gentlemen brushes her cheek in a kiss She nods, her eyes fluttering slowly in a blink-open-blink as smoothly as her velvet dress hugs her hips. The room is upstairs. And they will go there now, woman on top of this pyramid of eroticism Monogamy no longer means what it once did; and this is what intrigues her What catches her eye And with this night, begins her exploration of her deepest, core self The beginning of a new Age
THE BEACH*accompanies 97 Bonnie and Clyde* The water is cold, murky, churning like her stomach as she clings to a whisper, a muffled voice through a metal coffin One last kiss One more goodbye And her head screams because her throat no longer can; it bears witness to the mistakes of her youth ‘He’ll only break your heart’. they told her ‘He isn’t worth it’ But she believed he was, believed she could change him But she couldn’t. She never could. And now, never would, unless Unless.... A sharp slam to the back of her head when a tire iron connects as pothole meets car And a small, quiet question reaches her ears: "Why is Mommy in the trunk?" And a single tear rolls down her cheek, her body sparing no fluid as the gaping hole weeps on her chest Claustrophobia sets in; and suddenly Death seems easier But no one ever said motherhood was easy, and so she slowly gasps, her eyes clouded, a finger of fog wrapping about her mind and she waits and waits for her last trip to the beach, for her last kiss goodbye from the only one who has ever truly loved her, the one who always will love her And it is that love, she knows, that will kill the little girl when she realizes that Mommy can never return from the bed she helped her dad roll her into Like a castle made of sand, her daughter’s world has been flooded with salty cold water, destroyed by a wave of goodbye
UNRUHE*accompanies Strange Little Girl* Even nature is violent In this small, run-down town And the birds do not sing, They scream, As I scream, Bolting upright from the dream. It’s always the same, my dream; I am walking alone On a cobblestone road That never ends, And my shoes are dirty, Caked with mud, That flakes off, but never completely disappears I reach a riverbed, And splash the coolness on my face, But my fever remains And I rinse my shoes But now they bleed more mud, Always dirty Dirty like me Jimmy, the elephant trainer Says I am forever Lady Macbeth; Crying out at spots on my soul As if soap can ever erase My sins, my blame Sometimes, I wish I could run away from my soul. My macabre Reverie is broken by The happy crowds drifting by, As Jimmy arrives He takes my hand, pressing A tissue into it With a whispering touch To my forsaken flesh ‘You really should be going’, he says I just wish I knew where to.
IN MY ARMS*accompanies Enjoy the Silence* I can hear the voices now, Ringing in my ears, A cacophony of hateful noise. Even in solitary confinement of my own design, I am never alone I’m not sure what’s worse: Loneliness or longing for it I trace the lines, blue/black on pale brown, Tanned from the sun now, Not my father’s backhand And I remember lines – Lines raised upon my flesh From belt buckles; Lines in schoolbooks I would stare at And never use; Lines in my mother’s face, worn from Years of a licensed civil war; Lines on the highway I traced with A swollen, calloused finger Through the bus window As I escaped to Vegas. I hear his yells, lightning raping a perfect Starry sky And her cries, And I pound my ears But they do not submit And it is then I draw back, And the lines, the lines They appear Warn and red, slippery smooth The silence is here and I know All I ever wanted, or needed, Is here, within my arms.
SONNET IN THE KEY OF LEATHER*accompanies I'm Not in Love* ‘Why should I love?’ she asked me; and for that, I had no reply. I was prepared for the other Brush-offs: ‘too old’, ‘too young’ ‘too cute’, ‘too ugly’ ‘I’m a dyke’; ‘You make me want to be one’ [the last is my personal favourite, for originality] But she simply said, ‘I’m not in love; I never will be So shut up sweetheart And enjoy the ride’ And I did, With the feverish devotion Of a cult member, Start-struck with his new Messiah in blue jeans Only my goddess wore leather, Vinyl, And a dash of metal, cuffed ‘round Slim, pale wrists and Rich warm neck flesh The more I needed her The more she ran Hair flicker-flashing through club lights, Chains dangling from her hips She wielded her flesh and lips With the precision of the executioner And I fell, One more casualty The only reminder of my love A picture, hiding a blood stain on her wall
E PUR SI MUOVE*accompanies Rattlesnakes* I drift along these worn and weary streets, a tumbleweed among roses The people eye me, piercing my flesh With cold and malice, But I will not scream. No one will ever make me scream again If rivers could rinse away our lives’ pains I’d surely need an ocean To bathe in, breathe in; Perhaps I’d dare to join the fish And live forever in blue-black Bejeweled with mossy green Then again, would the fish Resent my polluting their peace With impurity? Such are one’s thoughts, when The wind snaps at your face, Berating you for the foolish games You’ve played; And I am champion, an expert now If I had the courage, If I’d had love, If I’d had…. But I never did. And so here, along the shore of the Mississippi, crisp and blue-grey, I trace the lines, trace them as if Relearning true pain Easy as 1-2-3; The time I ‘fell over drunk’ And hit the table; With the deathly chill of the rain, My knee aches still at night, Remembering his hammers, Remembering being forced to scrub My blood, iron-rust, from Calculating steel. The line across my wrist, From Thanksgiving; When I realized the only thing I Could be thankful for Was death Funny, the times your courage Sells out Through the leaves, I hear her cry, A gorgeous siren who never saw day; Only a blood-red sky As he kicked her, as if Destroying her would appease the Monster inside him It was she who demanded I pull the trigger of the shotgun a week later. We watched him fall, with a look of Boyish surprise; A silent confusion crossed his eyes as Buckshot met empty chest cavity; He’d made me scream for the last time that night, When he paid for My siren’s demise I wish I’d had the strength To turn the gun to me; But instead, I wander Daring the wind and hail to catch me, Daring them to do me a favour In the meantime, she stirs, A phantom within ‘E Pur Si Muove’, Galileo; but this time, I’m ready for my trial by fire Our shotgun by our side As we leave the water, passing a seldom Heeded warning tacked to a weeping willow: ‘Beware of Rattlesnakes’
DARK ANGEL*accompanies Time* She stands guard, As they fall, one by one, Stars from the sky Giving in to the peace that comes With no longer holding yourself aloft She knows the warmth Beneath the coldest ice, Knows that love is the real paradise A strand of hair crosses her cheek, A silent gesture of prayer as It blows, right to left Swept up, only to descend Amen. The TV glows in the corner, As she guards the door There are times she wants to leave her post But only she could hold the torch; Only she could understand The beauty of life, And understand that it is not infinite Even stars burn out, and fade away And when they do, She is there, To cradle, to soothe, To press the coins across the eyes The radio filled with Ed K. "I feel it coming back again" as she rewards one more for having the courage to live and die.
BLIND*accompanies Heart of Gold* She has schoolgirls’ eyes, The kind that dart here and there, The velocity daring life to keep in step. She smiles as she speaks, Calling me from a bus station ‘I’ve been to Hollywood I’ve been to Redwood; But I’m still searching’ I remember her, my drama queen; Raven hair, pale skin, And pure energy Threatening to burst from her heart And take to the sky She was always searching For love For pot For something to satisfy the yearning I love her so. The latest flame, with no name Courted her with princely passion Then promptly deposited her in the alley like An unwanted pet; He’d proclaimed himself Romeo, And became Iago And she’d run to San Diego When the bullets hit the car last week ‘I’ve been to Boston, to Kentucky too’, she said, sounding old ‘But I’m still searching for a heart of gold’ She sails the skies With a beguiling guise But never sees All she’s ever wanted Is here, in me.
MONDAY’S CHILD*accompanies I Don't Like Mondays* Monday’s child was fair of face, Locked with a classmate in a final embrace; She never spoke wrongly, but never spoke up So Susie emptied her life’s cup Tuesday’s child was full of grace, Prom queen, drama queen, beauty queen She had it all, and never shared; Susie’s stray bullet caught her in her designer denim flares Wednesday’s child was full of woe, Sylvia Plath, Marilyn Manson, and never was Marilyn Monroe But Susie was mad; she’d forgotten the ammo So Wednesday’s child had to go Thursday’s child had far to go; Top scholar, top athlete Reached for the stars, but he still fell hard When Susie found him in the schoolyard Friday’s child was loving and giving, A sweet young girl who never did wrong; She was going to be valedictorian Until Susie spilled her blood on the lawn Saturday’s child worked hard for a living, Growing up in the ghetto, he never wanted pity Killing him was an accident; Susie had been aiming for the class president Sunday’s child used to be good and bonny, Good as gold, said her daddy and mommy But something snapped, the innocence died And now Susie waits, quietly, and As heaven is wide So is her hate One more statistic in the United States.
EXITS*accompanies Happiness is a Warm Gun* A scream in the streets below As she watches the windows Unsure what she’s expecting, but she Knows it isn’t good His kiss stains her cheek With guilt As the radio plays the news Her dresses are in disarray; She’s begun packing but she Doesn’t know where to go Alone, scared, but prepared She slips the needle inside Happiness, at last
CIRCLES*accompanies Raining Blood* The trees whisper knowingly As she slips through darkened leaves and muddy paths To her sanctuary Her home Where mother Gaia calls; It is here, she will avenge and repay For karma is a bitch, she says, ‘just like I am’ Athame kisses sky and earth Wind kisses face and hands And she cries out to the One For mercy, and vengeance The animals of the forest cower away As the sky begins to mourn and rage Earth, wind, air, fire Passion and desire Raining passion from the heavens to soothe her soul Raining blood, as her sister’s had poured from the holes Raining reprisal upon all earth’s creatures For forgetting the way And the energy surges, and whips like a hurricane And she feels it now, the fading of pain Into determination She rises, nods, and retraces her steps Through broken branches To await her reign The circle is open but unbroken REAL MAN WANTED*accompanies Real Men* Call me a feminist for wanting equality, For wanting a little respect Because it’s easier that way, isn’t it? Easier to label and categorize, Scapegoat and psychoanalyze Play the politician and never answer the question Call me a dyke, if it makes you feel at ease; Ignore my mind; focus on what I do On my knees Perhaps you envy me for being better at it than you? Perhaps you’re afraid that I’ll dominate you? Perhaps you’re afraid you’d like it? Talk about being a real man Talk about having strength Talk about the women who you slept with As if they were fresh meat Strength is to go against the grain Strength is to reject the patriarchy that enslaves I wonder if you’ll ever know what it is To be a real man To know the beauty of anima and animus joined To know the power of union Resistance is the secret of joy, and I hold the key Dare you turn it with me?
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NEW AGE
Waiting for the phone -- to ring
It seems to -- be my fancy '97 BONNIE AND CLYDE
Baby your da-da loves you STRANGE LITTLE GIRL
One day you see a strange little girl look at you ENJOY THE SILENCE
Words like violence I'M NOT IN LOVE
RATTLESNAKES
Jodie wears a hat although it hasn’t rained for six days TIME
Well, the smart money’s on Harlow HEART OF GOLD
I want to live I DON'T LIKE MONDAYS
MmmMmmMmm. MmmMmmMmmMmm. HAPPINESS IS A WARM GUN
She’s not a girl who misses much RAINING BLOOD
Trapped in purgatory REAL MEN
Take your mind back
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