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LITTLE SUICIDES |
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Just ten pounds. I can do that. Just ten. All I have to do is cut down on junk food and drink some water. The pounds will fall right off. Wow, this exercise video really makes me sweat. I feel so accomplished. You know, my doctor says my ideal weight is ten pounds lower than this. I might as well go for it. I mean, I'm already making all of these new healthy choices. Mom I'm going out to buy some jeans. No, the old ones are too loose now. I'm proud of me too mom. I can't believe there are that many calories in Coke! Well, enough of that for me. I'm switching to diet.
Wake up. 100 stomach crunches. 20 minutes of aerobics. Go to school. Lunch: water, celery sticks. No thanks Lynn, I'm not hungry. Silly girls. Don't they realize that there are 149 calories in just 3 of those cookies? Disgusting! Come home. 100 leg lifts. 40 bicep curls per arm. 40 minutes aerobics. I'm going out to jog and then meet Liz at her house for dinner mom. Jog 3 miles. Come home. Do homework. Cut up magazines. You know, Julia Stiles has a really nice collar bone. Sleep. Sleep helps keep your metabolism strong. Oh you guys, you're so silly. Of course I'm not anorexic. I'm fine. I mean I eat a huge breakfast then have a nice dinner at home. I do look a lot thinner, don't I? (No I don't I still look fat why are you all lying I can see it plain as day and the stupid scale will not move a pound that's it no more celery this week). My heart is beating so fast that if I had wings I could fly from here. Because I am light as air now. I don't have any problem. You're all just jealous of my body. Just five more pounds. Just gotta hit that BMI of 18.5 Then I'll stop. I will. Of course I can stop. Why did I eat that pizza? I knew I'd never keep it down. But next time, okay next time I will not puke. That was a one time thing and never ever again. I am a dieter. I don't have an eating disorder. How fucking silly do they think I am? I'm in control. I am in power. I love the way my ribs stick out. Now if only I wasn't so tired all the time. I need to do leg lifts, after all.
"all these little suicides they hardly leave a mark i can take these funhouse rides because i'm a natural in the dark"
Why is it so dark? Mom? Dad? Why are you crying? Why are you so sad? Why can't I open my eyes?
Mom?
Mom?
I think I might be sick. |
