I hit the welfare office

I sat on one of their lovely phones and did my intake assessment interview. I have to attend some all day mandatory session.  Well assholes I've held jobs before, nice ones, and I've taken job search seminars at my campus. Not that you fucking bothered to ask. No, instead you simply said "Oh bring a resume IF YOU HAVE ONE."  I'm 21 and you fucking think it's an IF matter considering I told you earlier that I am finishing up a BACHELOR OF SCIENCE DEGREE AND WORKED THIS PAST YEAR AT A UNIVERSITY?

I feel horribly insulted. And I hate being treated like I'm stupid.   And half of that group probably will be stupid morons who can't do job searches. Or like high school drop outs. So why have me waste space there? Why don't we skip to the caseworker interview? Let people who need that help take it.

But no. Nobody asks if you have a clue. They assume if you're pitiful enough to be applying for assistance that you must not have a clue.

Either that, or your problem is your resume. Translation - here it's fixed now get a fucking job and leave us alone.

My problem is I'm too educated and lacking crap job experience to get hired at fast food and retail but I don't have the ability to commit to the hours they want for nice office jobs because of school. The fast food places see my experience, mainly work study or tutoring, and figure that even though I have a fucking degree almost and can work numerous computer programs that I'm too stupid to work a cash register and say "would you like fries with that?"

The hypocrisy, stupidity and ignorance of this world astounds me. You're a manager, not even an owner, of a fucking Subway honey. And you can handle cash without a degree. So I can't WITH one? Scared I'll take your job? Don't worry, I don't want it. I just want something to get me money until my thesis is done. Until I have my degree in my hot little hands and am able to get a decent job and start paying back my loans.

I just know they're going to condescend me tomorrow. I know it. I feel it. And then, I will have to do my best to restrain myself and not fucking punch them out. I AM STARVING. I HAVE NO FOOD. NOBODY IS HIRING ME. Don't you think I'd rather work for my money than have you hand me pity? When I was a kid we were on welfare for a few years and I walked around with my head hung ashamed that we needed help. I get my pride from my mom. We both walked around feeling like lepers but knowing food was better than nothing. Considering my income over the last fucking few years it's obvious I make do on very very little. So if I'm coming to you now, I must really, genuinely, be desperate.

But they don't care. You're just another case file. You're just another idiot student draining their precious money. You're just another hand looking for something from them to hold. You're another nuisance, another appointment they have to keep, another pauper in Old Navy jeans. 

Can't afford anything but ramen? Well at least you have ramen. Go away. Can't afford to take the bus around? Don't go out so far. Have no money? Get a job. What do you mean they're not hiring? They are. Maybe you don't look right. Come, let us hold your hand little baby girl and teach you.

I should walk in with my wrist all scarred up and say, THIS is why I can't try harder. Because I can't even afford the medication that keeps me sane enough to wake up and get dressed, let alone work a job. Just lock me up. Let me suck you off for cash - works for me. Just please help me, for fuck's sake why don't you help me? Why don't you fucking care? NO I CAN'T GO LIVE AT HOME. Would you like to see my scarred and bruised thighs? The scars will double in a month if you make me go live with them again. I can't. I won't.

I would rather die. Or would I?


Next train Leaving Hand-To-Mouthville now...

That's me:  Another Pilot Down....