|Sights and Sounds Pull Me Back Down|
|You'll never know dear just how much I loved you|
Rule #1 of break-ups: The one who
ends the relationship is never hit as hard as the one who is told that
Rule #1 of break-ups: The one who ends the relationship is never hit as hard as the one who is told that it's over.
But so it goes in this world. I have been both the dumper and dumpee in the world of romance. And I have seen both sides. Let me tell you this: unless you are a genuine slime who never ever cared about the person in question anyway, you are always affected by the loss of a relationship. Even if you initiated ending it.
|You'll probably think this way just my big excuse|
|The one who does the breaking up is not
left emotionally unscathed. Rather, they experience a different
sort of pain. While the one who is dumped feels inadequate and
"not worth staying with", the dumper is left wondering how
they could have hurt someone they cared for so much, and doubting their
ability to have a successful relationship. I should have tried
harder. I should have found a way to fix it. Did I miss the
chance to fix it? Did I do the right thing?
Maybe I shouldn't be with anybody. Maybe all I do is hurt people.
Maybe I am a monster.
|But I stand committed to a love that came before you|
|Watch a couple break up. Sit there
and watch how their friends react. If their friends are like most
people, they flock to the side of the one who has been dumped and worry
for their every emotion and feeling. They console them, hug them,
tell them their now ex was "an asshole/a bitch" anyways.
The one who dumped this person? Their feelings are ignored,
because it is assumed they do not feel anything particularly bad.
Instead, they are greeted with intellectual conversations about the
difficulty of decision-making, reassurance that they made the right
choice, that the cons outweighed the prod. Seldom does anyone ask
the dumper "are you feeling okay? How are you holding
up? Wanna come binge on ice cream?"
When I was dumped, my friends rushed to pamper me, take care of me, hug me. When I dumped people, I was "the bitch" or "making a good choice." Inside however, there lies a growing swell of pain insisting that I am simply incapable of any lasting relationships, that I hurt people far more than any time spent together happy is worth. That I should be alone. But does anyone wonder if I'm okay? No. It is assumed I must be because I wanted out and said so. That's not what being the dumper means. It means you not only see that the relationship is unhealthy, but you have the courage to do something that will break another's heart, for their eventual good..... It is a painful choice and no one envies it,. yet no one appreciates its gravity.
|And the fact that I adore you is but one of my truths.... (Ani Difranco)|
|I don't expect you'll have much sympathy for my grieving|